A Chicago (Short) Story
- The After Action Report
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 3 hours ago
While many use the Christmas season to spread good will, express their affections to loved ones and pray for world peace, I have used it to paint the inside of my entire home. Therefore Mrs. AAR and I spent it in Chicago while looking forward to a New Year filled with Sherwin-Williams Alabaster (SW 7008).
Since we would be staying for a week or so, I wanted a place large enough to spread out, nice enough for the Missus and in or about the Loop. After an extensive search on Booking, I came across the Royal Sonesta Chicago Downtown: it was ~450 sq ft, had a rating of 8.7 (the same as the Ritz-Carlton) and was located on the Chicago River at Wabash Ave. As both Booking and Expedia gave me the exact same rate (and free cancellation), with Expedia giving me $60 in OneKeyCash and Booking $120 in "Travel Credits."
As OneKeyCash can be used on any future hotel booked through Expedia and Travel Credits are good for only "selected properties" with a TBD expiration date . . . I went with Expedia. The rate was quite reasonable most likely due to my influencer status (or that it was December . . . in Chicago). Then through skillful negotiation by Mrs. AAR we were upgraded to a suite overlooking the Chicago River.
The place was priced at $1,094 ($156/night), though Expedia only charged me $869, with the balance being a "Destination Fee" ($224), payable at the property.¹ Now while I like the idea of paying less upfront, it doesn't make things any less confusing when upon checkout I have to add up the daily $32 Destination Fee with my bar charges less the daily bar credit (see below). I mean the last memory I want to have of my hotel stay is the invoice, but if that's way the Royal Sonesta wants to play it, then let the audit begin (during which a discrepancy was noted).
Nearby Eats
Started out with the Calamari Fritti with Tomato Diavolo, Lemon, which was excellent. It reminded me of an Instagram reel where a restaurant consultant advocates providing a smaller ramekin of calamari sauce to save money and then checking back to see if more sauce is needed (making the server appear to be "the hero"). While this can be a sound strategy, when the server forgets about the "check back" and you wait for five minutes while your calamari cools, I have trouble believing the nickel the restaurant saved was worth it.
While the place features numerous pizzas, I've made it a rule never to order pizza when I dine out. I think of pizza as something to be eaten when sitting on the couch, floor, beanbag chair or even better when lying on a bed naked, and not when sitting at a table with a table cloth with knife and fork. The fact some of the pizzas were titled "Gorgonzola & Smoked Pancetta," and "Black Truffle & Three Cheese," made the decision that much easier.
The place also pipes in club music, which just doesn't work, though it did make me eat my delicious Spaghetti Marinara that much faster.
Mrs. AAR didn't like the pulsating soundtrack either, remarking I'd rather hear "Tarantella Napoletana."
Hoyt's Chicago
It's the Royal Sonesta Hotel's bar/restaurant and it's like most hotel bar/restaurants: bad lighting, minimal character with an indifferent, union staff. I went twice anyhow as the room came with a $10 daily food and beverage credit.
The first time we sat between two customers, one a single mother who was staying at the hotel for some alone time, and some guy who had stopped in after seeing a nearby Christmas show. As he showed me his tattoos, I wondered why someone would get an American Revolution tattoo and more importantly why would someone who wasn't getting a $10 daily food and beverage credit have a drink here? We left the two of them comparing tattoos, so I'm hopeful we coordinated a yuletide love connection.
The second time I dropped in to order a Buffalo Trace nightcap, I only went so I could I link this article about bourbon I wrote for HumbleDollar.com.
Besides the delicious elote and excellent Borderland Brisket tacos (chile rubbed beef brisket, chile tepin, onion, carrot & serrano escabeche, cilantro, flour tortilla), what made this place so good was the the icy cold Tecate. And I mean cold, cold, brain freeze Iñupiat cold.² As I drank it, I wondered, as I always do, "Why can't the other 90% of the beers I drink outside of my living room (while eating pizza - see above), be this god damn cold?”
Though after it was all said and done, leave it to Mrs. AAR to bottom line it: "So two tacos, four beers, some guac and a piece of corn is now 80 bucks?!"
Located on Michigan Ave next door to the Nutella Cafe, which was previously reviewed in last year's 22.55 Hours in Chicago. After ordering a "Croissant donut and a Boston creme please," the surly black female clerk replied "Cherry or vanilla!" I then asked "Hmmm, do you mean the . . ?" only to be cut off by a terser "Cherry or vanilla!!" To which I (meekly) replied "Cherry?"
When I sat down I was more than a little relieved when after Mrs. AAR tasted her croissant donut, she exclaimed, "Mhm hmm, cherry!"
All the employees wear a shirt that says "Stan's" above their left pocket, which might make a customer think that was their name.³
A loyal Subscriber mentioned to me that she had spent time in Chicago but never had a chance to visit. So I visited in her stead (another benefit of subscribing to AfterActionReport.info).
Quite simply the best maintained dive bar I have ever had the pleasure of drinking in and an AAR Must Drink. Most dive bars have a fair amount of seed and are in need of some repair, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Not this place, as the spotless tile floor was completely intact, all the swivel barstools (each branded "Richard's Bar" across the back) still swiveled, and the tin ceiling stunning. It's coming up on a hundred years, but the entire joint has been as lovingly cared for as it is cleaned daily.
The place has a slight smell of cigarettes. When I mentioned to Joe the bartender, that "I didn't think you could still legally smoke in a bar in this country." He replied "You can't, but people do," as he placed an ashtray next to my beer.
All that, and George Wendt's brother-in-law bought me a bottle of Old Style because it was his birthday, which was drunk while listening to Steve Lawrence on the jukebox. George Wendt's sister then recommended a place for fondue so . . .
Located in Old Town, Geja's Cafe is a very romantic warren of a restaurant that offers the best fondue in Chicago. A father/son team ("the Marios") served me the International (tenderloin, shrimp, chicken), a solid Flackhattan and some live flamenco guitar.
Endnotes: I wanted to provide some very specific details that, while vaguely interesting, did not contribute to the overall narrative. Perhaps just wait until the end to enjoy.
¹ I'm told that hotels do this as the commission Expedia charges excludes Destination Fees.
² Iñupiat is the correct term for the group of Alaska Natives whose traditional territory roughly spans northeast from Norton Sound on the Bering Sea to the northernmost part of the Canada–United States border. There is an exonym for these people which I refuse to propagate (the "E" word).
³ Though there may be worse hiring rubrics.
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