47.15 Hours in Hannibal, MO
- 19 hours ago
- 8 min read
Recently a rather tall but ill-suited Subscriber said to me "Sir! You write the greatest words about travel since Mark Twain. Thank you sir!"¹ While this compliment wasn't unexpected, it reminded me that Twain's birthplace was but 177 miles from my home (Hmmm, we're both citizens of the Show Me State?) and maybe I needed to visit to better understand the man and his prose and more importantly if it could improve mine.
Much like my visit to Omaha, I decided to try and walk in Samuel Clemens footsteps (his real name, Mark Twain was his nom de plume). And in an effort to do that I planned to attend every attraction that contained either of their names.
10:27 am
At Calhoon's Coffee & Cocktails, Mrs. AAR ordered a cortado, but the barista gave her a look that said "You gotta be kidding!" It made me realize that we were passing through Paris, Missouri and not Paris, France. So Mrs. AAR just asked for an expresso with a little milk. A minute or so later when asked "What kind of milk?" she had also realized and replied "What ever you have back there." BTW: Unlike Paris, Texas, this city doesn't have an Eiffel Tower, but according to a local "We do have a water tower!"
11:08 am
We arrived in Florida, Missouri at a modern chapel-like building that was labeled the "Mark Twain Memorial Shrine," which led me to believe it was the Mark Twain Birthplace State Historic Site . . . or a funeral home. Either way it contained the house Twain was born in, his bust, as well as a small but well laid out museum.
When Twain was born in 1835, the house was located about a half mile away, a location now identified by the empty pedestal where the aforementioned bust used to rest with the balance of the village containing a disturbing number of RV parks.
1:01 pm
Stopped of at the unsettling Giant Mark Twain statue in New London. For Twain completists only.
1:15 pm
Upon our arrival in Hannibal, somebody was starting to get thirsty, so I typed "Bar" into Maps and the next thing you know . . .
1:24 pm
We're sitting at the bar at the Broadway Bar N Grill drinking a Busch Natural Light (x2) and eating some very Clemensian cauliflower bites.
2:00 pm
Timed it perfectly to see Mark Twain Live. Mark Twain was not only America's greatest author, but also America's greatest raconteur. This 45 minute performance by a Twain impersonator attempts to give the viewer a taste of the later. A fellow attendee found it "cute" and while it was well delivered it wasn't as funny as I had hoped. And definitely not $25 worth of cute.
3:00 pm
Toured the Mark Twain Cave, that was the inspiration for the cave that played a central role in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. I should have known that it would be funny and entertaining as our guide's name was Sam. When she asked if I wanted to add a discounted tour of the nearby Cameron Cave to the itinerary, I remarked "I've made it a rule in life to tour only one cave a day." Not sure if it was $25 worth of funny and entertaining, but close, maybe $22.50?
6:38 pm
The Ole Wolfhound Pub offered a cold beer, a St. Patrick's Day countdown clock (335 days, 05 hours, 14 minutes, 14.6 seconds) with some fine and unexpected live music (the Rag Tag Irish Band and a little The Look of Love).
7:15 pm
I had wanted to eat at Finn's Food & Spirits, if only to partake in all things Clemens but the place was too large, too empty and too smelling of Fabuloso. So we pushed on to The Brick Oven for some excellent service, Grandpa Karl's Spaghetti, the Seafood Medley and a 3.75% credit card surcharge.
8:10 pm
After escorting Mrs. AAR back to the hotel I decided to take an Austinian "turn about" Hannibal to get the lay of the land and walk off a little of the pasta. It reminded me of Topeka, a little sleepy with the Mayberryian downtown streets being rolled up around 8:00 pm.
Earlier when reviewing our drinks and dinner options, I had stumbled across Ole Milt's which was classified by Maps as a "Dive Bar" though when I read aloud from its website "Exciting Bar Games . . . Largest Alcohol Selection in Hannibal . . . Bikini Dance Bar . . . " the Missus replied "feel free to go . . . without me," so . . .
8:25 pm
I was hopeful that Ole Milt's was a dive bar where some people went to dance in swimwear, either that or some sort of retro go-go bar. A theory that was fully supported by the lack of a cover or bouncer when entering. I was a little relieved, as I had promised myself I would not a pay one; not due to the thrift factor but due to the ick factor. But after a Yuengling was placed on the bar, I was informed by the owner, Mama, that it was "five for the beer and three for the cover." Since the bottle was already open, I decided to use the opportunity to discuss the finer pints of running a bikini bar while I quickly drank up. Note: Someone whose Christian name was not Velvet may have been dancing somewhere over there.
8:37 pm
Walked back home along the Mighty Mississip. The air was quite still and heavy, which when combined with an electrical storm in the distance, gave everything an otherworldly feel.
Thursday
8:46 am
Gave the hotel's free breakfast the go by as it looked just terrible: the towers of children's cereal, the fart muffins wrapped in plastic, etc. So we pushed on to Java Jive. A spacious and well-appointed coffee house that provided a tasty nosh (x2), a hot cup of light blend, the best cortado the Missus has had west of the Mississippi and the prettiest coffee shop bathroom you ever saw. And all for $12.43. An AAR Must Coffee.
10:02 am
The Mark Twain Boyhood Home & Museum consists of seven buildings centered around his boyhood home ($20). Excellent, covering in detail the the time he lived in Hannibal (ages 4-17), and in general his entire life.
I've shared some more of my thoughts here.
The third floor of the Museum Gallery contains numerous Norman Rockwell originals that illustrate The Adventures of Tom Sawyer as well as a number of sculptures of the man including this very odd one of him writing in bed . . . .
12:35 pm
Beer O'clock just across the street at Rumor Has It where for some odd reason I used a thumbtack and a quarter to tack a $1 bill to the ceiling.
12:57 pm
A solid BLT at the Becky Thatcher Diner. Even though I hate root beer, I decided to go with one to wash it down, as I imagined it was a something that Twain might do himself.
1:30 pm
The Mississippi River played a key role in Twain's life, writings and name, so it was essential to spend some time on it. The Mark Twain Riverboat ($32.65), is a120 foot stern paddlewheel riverboat. It's captain was celebrating his 49th year on the river, during which he did a fine job navigating the +/- one mile up and down it. He did even a finer job sharing some stories about Twain, the river and Hannibal, with one about the one time the biggest cement plant in the world that supplied the cementatious needs of the Panama Canal.
3:09 pm
Lovers' Leap is a promontory where Native American folklore had two star-crossed lovers jumping to their death. It makes one realize that the Romeo and Juliet story is as timeless and widespread as Cain and Able, the flood myth and Beauty and the Beast. It also allowed for some panoramic views of Hannibal, numerous barges at anchor and the island where Tom Sawyer hid out.
4:07 pm
Executive time.
6:12 pm
All the locals we asked recommended The Brick Oven for dinner which was a good thing . . . as it confirmed our prior night's dinner selection. It was also bad thing as there didn't seem to be another good place to eat in the whole city.² The gal at Becky Thatcher's Diner recommended the Rustic Oak and it didn't hurt that it was located in the Huck Finn Shopping Plaza (in between a Dirt Cheap liquor store and the Tractor Supply store). Unfortunately it had a strange vibe which wasn't helped by the extensive menu: I can't trust a place whose menu contains steak, seafood, burgers, pasta, sandwiches, wraps and seven different salads. So we just had some onion rings and a beer. I might have over thought this, as the rings were excellent.
6:47 pm
In the end the Rustic Oak fuss was for the best as I subsequently had some of the best Q I ever ate at Wayne BBQ. It got off to a memorable start when the Missus asked if she should get the pork steak. The counter person responded "I don't know, I don't eat pork." When I asked this very Midwest looking young lady if it was due to religious considerations, she offhandedly replied "No, just that pork is the most parasitic of all meats." Then to my follow-up question she replied "No, I'm not the owner."
Either way the baked beans, kaleslaw, 4 oz. of pulled pork and 8 oz. of brisket were excellent. The place does not have table service, and though I'm not a fan of counter service, it does have one upside: after I'm done with my meal, I can just get up and leave.
7:45 pm
Walked off exactly 0.12 oz. of the brisket by taking in some sunset views of Old Man River from the riverfront esplanade.
Friday
11:43 am
To check all the boxes, after visiting the Tom & Huck Statue, Cardiff Hill was summitted to inspect the Mark Twain Lighthouse, then we topically stopped at HeBrews for some drive through coffee.
11:53 am
Drank our talmudically good coffee at Riverview Park while overlooking the Mark Twain Statue and expansive views of Mississippi River around mile marker 309.
1:00 pm
Had to gas up at Ayerco for $3.39 a gallon, as I felt I might never be able to purchase gasoline for such a low a price ever again.
1:04 pm
Departed Hannibal via the Mark Twain Bridge and one last perspective of the the Big Muddy.³
Lodgings
Where would Samuel Clemens stay? I'm pretty sure it'd be the Best Western On the River for $143/night via Expedia (vs. Booking's $159). While its name may imply a location adjacent to a river, it's actually located three blocks in, adjacent to the Groomingdales Pet Boutique. It's also the home of the smallest queen-sized mattress I've ever slept on. Great location though, walkable to everything but the eponymous cave and statues.
Epilog
Reading Ron Chernow's Mark Twain and Mark Twain's The Adventures of Tom Sawyer may make for a more enjoyable sojourn.
Endnotes: I wanted to provide some very specific details that, while vaguely interesting, did not contribute to the overall narrative. Perhaps just wait until the end to enjoy.
¹ While I'm inclined to agree, I'm quite sure this Subscriber never read a book in his life.
² I had asked the internet "If Mark Twain were alive where would he eat dinner? And what would he eat?" And it replied via TripAdvisor "The Mark Twain Dinette for a Maid-Rite sandwich." While the location sounded appetizing, the entree, which is code for "loose ground beef on a steamed bun," did not. I think the Hannibal expert who made this suggestion realized the error of his ways, as he subsequently deleted his recommendation.
- While the fact that the loose meat sandwich is the signature sandwich of Iowa may add to its delectability, the fact that Rosanne of the eponymous tv show owned a diner specializing in it did not.
³ The geographically astute reader will realize that eponymous bridge was crossed purely for literary purposes, as I then doubled back to head home to KC.
Comments