Thy shall prepareth thyself for the credit card surcharge which may be anywhereth from one to three percent.¹
- Most New Zealand businesses charge a surcharge for using a credit card, something about greedy Australian banks being the culprit, though I’m not really sure.
- Other sinful restaurants when running your credit card may ask if you want to pay in USD, always payeth in NZD, as your bank, however evil, will give you a better exchange rate than their more evil bank.
Maybe the Capital One® Venture® card is in order. Clicketh here and earneth 2% back and 75,000 bonus miles.
Thou shall minimizeth thy time on the North Island and maximizeth thy time on the South Island.
- Perhapseth landeth in Auckland, spend a few days there, then take the train to Wellington, then ferry to Picton, and then rent a car to explore the South Island ending up in Queenstown. Then maybe fly to Australia (I'm thinkin' Melbourne and then Sydney).
Besides reading Reports about my North Island and South Island road trips, "Lonely Planet Best Road Trips New Zealand" may be quite useful.
Thou shall renteth a car to see all that all the second freest country in the world has to offer.
- Even though New Zealanders drive on the wrong side of the road, this is not an intractable issue.
- Most rental cars have an automatic transmission, which will make this that much easier.
- Also New Zealanders have thoughtfully placed signs with white arrows everywhere to ensure tourists know exactly where to drive. Trust me, thou can doeth it. What one man can doeth another can doeth!
- Some people correcteth me by saying New Zealanders drive on the "left" side. To them, I ask "When our Cook Strait ferry passed another ferry going in the opposite direction, what side did they pass on?"²
I foundeth that renting a car through Expedia.co.nz in New Zealand dollars saved me many US dollars.
Thou shall look right, then left prior to crossing the street (see 3. above). Then as you cross continuously look right, then left, then right until safely reaching the other side. Maybe walk just a little faster than you normally would.
- Looking the wrong way probably makes crossing the street more dangerous than driving a car. I hadeth a few close calls.
- Cross only when the green man sayeth so and only at intersections. I know you're a big girl (or boy), but until you start looking the "right" way when crossing this will greatly increase your odds of survival.
- Noteth: you will never start looking the "right" way.
Thou shall not eat pizza. The pizza in New Zealand is very bad.
- I'm not exactly sure why, maybe it is the water, maybe it is because there are no Italians.
- A small part of the issue has to do with New Zealanders' affection for pesto on their pizza. Now I diggeth the pesto, but a littleth goes a long way.
Thou shall bringeth the correct A/C adapter. If you are visiting from the States then it is the Type I Plug Converter for US to Australia/New Zealand/Fiji.
- Australia and New Zealand operate with 230 V/50 Hz. Fiji 240 V/50Hz. BTWeth: The adapter does not alter the voltage or the frequency, it just allows your plug to enter thier outlet.
- Integral with every outlet is a little on/off switch which will always be selected to "off." If you don't switch it to "on" your adapter will not chargeth thy iPhone.
- I am informed that these switches are in case children place objects in the outlets. So I am thinking that American children must be smarter than New Zealand ones?
I foundeth that this specific Type I Plug Adapter is superior to all others.
Thou shall not tipeth, as like France the price on the menu is the price you pay. Tipping is not expected.
- Knoweth that in very touristy areas like Queenstown, a sinful restaurant, like the Captain's Table, may prompt you for a tip via the credit card machine. Just presseth the "No" icon.
- The price on the menu also includes the 15% goods and services tax, which is separately listed as “GST.”³ Now is not that crazyeth?
Initially, Americans reviled the custom of tipping, branding it un-American and undemocratic. The opposition gradually faded and tipping became an American institution. From its beginnings in Europe, its development as a quintessentially American trait, through its current incarnation, some might say "it's complicated." Read all the fascinating details in the book"Tipping: An American Social History of Gratuities."
Thou shall not use a key card to access thy motel room. Instead, thou shall be given an actual key and in one motel perhaps a skeleton key that you will use to lock and unlock the door from both inside and outside, like you are in a medieval castle or the play The Crucible.
Thou shall not drinketh dripeth coffee. Instead, thou will need to decide if thou should go with a caffè americano or a long black.
- Caffè Americano: 4-6 ounces of hot water is poured into a single shot of espresso.
- Long Black: a single shot of espresso is poured into 3.5 - 4 ounces of hot water. The smaller volume of water compared to an Americano is responsible for its stronger taste.
- Noteth: In one the water is poured into the shot of expresso, whilst the other is vice versa. This may be important, but I have no idea why.
The perfect New Zealand coffee table book just might be the "New Zealand Picture Book: 92 Beautiful Images of Landscapes, Oceans, Nature and More - Perfect Gift or Hardcover Coffee Table Book".
Thou needs to correctly pronounce the word "Māori."
- It is pronounced "mau·ree."
- Māori are the indigenous Polynesian people of New Zealand and are an integral part of the New Zealand culture, unlike the indigenous people of the United States.
- All New Zealanders learn to speak it, as are most of its place names.
Want to learn just a little more Māori? Then may I recommend "Māori Made Easy: For Everyday Learners of the Māori Language?"
Thou shall drinketh as much wine as possible.
-The Sauvignon blanc in the Marlborough wine region is probably the best in the world.
- The Central Otago wine region is known for Pinot Noir.
- Waiheke Island wine region in Auckland also produces very good Bordeaux-style red wines and could be a good place for a DIY wine tour.
Can't wait? Then order some Giesen Marlborough Sauvignon blanc and enjoy it with an Ultimate Meat And Cheese Charcuterie.
In "The Wines of New Zealand" Master of Wine Rebecca Gibb takes us on a vinous journey through Aotearoa (‘land of the long white cloud’) and opens our eyes to the huge variety of wines created throughout the two islands of one of the world’s most southerly wine-producing lands.
Thou shall eateth the green-lipped muscles that are endemic to New Zealand. Theyeth are tasty and ginormous.
- Their Omega-3 fatty acids offer the ultimate joint health and mobility support. Eating a few of these succulent bivalves definitely made my joints feel better.⁴
If thou cannot visit New Zealand, availeth thyself of the concentrated source of green-lipped mussel oil via the OmegaXL Joint Support Supplement. Trusteth me on this as it is recommended by a medical doctor.
Knoweth that New Zealand currency is made out of a polymer making it indestructible, slippery, and very difficult to fold.
- This could be a good idea for the US Treasury, except that Americans think that everything they do is great and therefore have nothing to learn from other countries or cultures.
Whilst thou should always use thouest credit card to get points, miles, or cash back, thou will need a little cash . . . just in case. One way to get it is to use Western Union. Use this link to send yourself some New Zealand currency and get a $20 Amazon gift card.
Thou shall obtain a New Zealand Electronic Travel Authority (NZeTA) before making any travel arrangements.
- You will need to electronically obtain one of these to enter "Middle Earth."⁵
- Unless you are Australian (in which case you do not need one) or from a weird country (in which case you will need to get a "proper" visa).
Thou will see many Asians, not just living here, but also visiting. You need to partake in their rich culinary tradition: pho, bao buns, dim-sum, sushi, etc.
In this collection of 10 essays, "Asia in the Making of New Zealand," authors from a range of Asian studies and New Zealand-related disciplines explore how the burgeoning Asian population in New Zealand affects New Zealanders’ understanding of Asia and how it alters the way that Asians see their own identity.
Endnotes: I wanted to provide some very specific details that while vaguely interesting did not contribute to the overall narrative. Perhaps just wait until the end to enjoy.
¹ By the wayeth, if thy travel plans include Australia then prepareth thyself for this same credit card surcharge.
² The Cook Strait ferry, liketh all maritime vessels worldwide stays to the right when passing another vessel going in the opposite direction, or as they say in the biz, they pass each other “port to port.”
³ The price listed on the menu is the exact price you payeth. Add in the fact that there is no tipping, gives a main course⁶ transparent pricing, as that $39.50 “Slow cooked lamb shoulder pressed & rolled, served grilled on Paris mash, minted peas & a red wine butter sauce” only costs $39.50, unlike in the States where it really costs $51.35.
⁴ Please noteth that my joints may have felt better due to all the Sauvignon blanc that was used to wash down all the green-lipped muscles.
⁵ The "Middle Earth" sobriquet is part of the whole Lord of the Rings nonsense.
⁶ Ineth the UK, Australia, and New Zealand, the word "entrée" means appetizer, with the "main course" meaning . . . main course.
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